[Since the original publishing date, our tiny son made his way into the world just as healthy as could be. Please talk to your doctor about the benefits vs. risks of medication and pregnancy. Know all the facts and make a decision that works for you and your family. I am proud of my decision but couldn’t have made it without the help of my physicians.]
When I first found out you were leeching life off of me, you were the size of a poppy seed and now you are a plum! Your hands are now big enough to hold and your face is looking more life-like every day. I find every step of your development so fascinating. For the amount of manual labour going on inside of me, I sure don’t notice you very often. Actually, let’s be clear… The last three months I knew you were there every time I hung my head over the toilet, dry heaving away or every time I felt “so hungry I could puke”. But other than the odd cramp, you’re a pretty quiet house guest.
Now I feel better. I feel happy and healthy again. Hurrah for the second trimester! What’s really got me excited right now is feeling those little legs and arms thrashing around. For a while it will be just between you and me. I reckon we will share a quite a few things that are just between you and me. I feel like we already have a bond.
Just like I was for my mom, you little wee one are my source of inspiration. You have already made me a better person than I ever could have imagined. Baby, because I wanted you to have a happy and healthy mommy, I got help. I knew several years ago you were a not so distant dream and I wanted to heal my brain so I could soak you in and love every minute of our life together. You make me realize how precious life is….how fragile we are.
I already feel like I’ve made a huge mistake as a mother. In order for me to function and not be a complete emotional wreck for these nine months, I had to continue with my anti-depressents. I’m only on .5 mg a day and my doctor says she’s delivered hundreds of babies who’s moms were on much higher doses and the baby was perfectly happy and healthy… But I can’t help but worry. Like I said, you’re so fragile. Whenever I sense a possible threat, I play my fight song in my head and get all maternal. The thought of you coming into any kind of danger feels like a thousand daggers to the heart. and to think it was inflicted my me breaks my heart in two.
So baby, you see I’ve weighed my options and you having a mom that can’t function is not in the cards for us. Having a mom that is alive and well to watch your every milestone is the most important thing to me right now. I believe happy moms make happy babies and right now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
Your extremely happy Mommy